What is that I hear in the distance?

Why yes, it's the faint jingle jangle of sleigh bells - because it's nearly Christmas! There's only a month to go!

I've been feeling festive since November the first, when the start of the Christmas adverts signalled decorations to be put up inside my brain, meaning that virtually everything I think about turns into a Christmas thought.

Are you not feeling excited yet? Here are ten whole reasons why Christmas is the greatest time of the year:

1. You get presents! Lovely new things to call your own! You also get to give presents, which is often also fun in it's own way. You get to bring joy to the people you like, and drop hints to those you're not so keen on. What's this that Grandad's unwrapping? It's a deodorant gift set. How lovely.
   
2. There's some fucking great tv on. This year it's all about Doctor Who's Runaway Bride. I am literally as excited about watching that as I am about Christmas itself.
   
3. Foooood. Lot's of lovely unhealthy things to gorge upon. I'm sure last year I was actually sweating chocolate by the end of boxing day.
   
4. Everyone gets fat together! Hooray, there's no need to feel guilty or more hideously whale-like than anybody else at the end of the holiday.
   
5. Christmas music is just bloody brilliant, in a really rubbish way. No song brings any greater joy to me than one about snow and wrapping paper, accompanied with a sleigh bell filled rhythm.
   
6. People are generally nice to each other. I should probably start practicing good things to say to my monstrous sister, actually.
   
7. Unless you work in the emergency services, or for Ebeneezer scrooge, you don't have to do any work for over a week. What joy.
   
8. It is perfectly excusable to start drinking at 8 in the morning. Except I won't, because a drunken me in front of the family is a big mistake. As seen three/four years ago when I'd had a little bit to drink, and answered the phone to here "hello" from an Aunty who we only really tolerated. All excited by christmas and alcopops, I shouted "Ah no it's Aunty Hills" and put the phone down. I haven't heard from her since :(
   
9. Everything looks nicer at christmas, all clad in decorations.
   
10. It is a beautiful, poignant time to remember the birth of our Lord baby Santa Jesus and to pray for those less fortunate than us ETCETERA ETCETERA...

If you are of one of those kerazy alternative religions, like Islam or Jehovah's Witness, those were also ten reasons why you should totally convert. There's benefits to Christianity all year round too, what with not having to do anything ever and the lack of rules. Perhaps have a no-ties 14 day trial period over the festive season.

Ho ho ho.


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