Now as much as I like my current summertime carnation of a housewife (mostly daytime tv with a bit of sunbasking and shopping), I can't help thinking that it would probably get a bit boring to do it for the rest of my life. Obviously I'm not saying I'd prefer a job, hell fucking no, it's just that we're probably only alive once (sorry Buddhists!), so it would be a shame to squander it all on the mundane. Therefore, I have compiled a non-definitive, subject-to-change list of the stuff I'd quite like to do before I'm a bit dead.
Whatevernumberitturnsouttobe Things To Do Before I Die
1. Swim with dolphins. - Dolphins are brilliant, and that is a fact. I saw Jade Goody doing this on her Living TV reality show the other week, and it looked fucking amazing. I stupidly forgoed the chance to do this when I was in SeaWorld a few years back, for shame.
2. Sit on a jury. - Or do I mean sit "in" a jury? Hmmm, "on" does conjur up images of me taking turns to sit on 11 members of the public. Oh well, it's obvious what I mean.
3. Write my will. - And one that has a really cunty clause of the highest inheriter having to spend a night alone in a haunted house, or even better, get married, before they can have the cash. Though I doubt I'll leave anything worth such hassle.
4. Go in a shark cage.
5. Let a Jehovah's Witness (or other belief enforcing door knocker) in the house, and try and bore them into leaving.
6. Dress as a devout muslim women for the day, just to see what it's like. - I'm convinced I saw a man doing this the other day. If not, I've done a very broad shouldered and tall woman a great disservice.
7. Run the London Marathon. - Hahaha as if! No, really! I say it every year, but one year when I say it I need to spend the next year training for it. My main problem is I can run for no more than 5 minutes (and I don't want to be one of the losers / OAP's / terminally ill people who just walks it) and I run like Phoebe from Friends.
8. Be an extra in a film or long running Soap.
9. Ask a question or give out some self-righteous advice on Trisha.
10. Skydive.
11. Go on Safari and see lots of big animals. - I actually did this at Disney's Animal Kingdom, but that just took the piss. I want to do a proper one.
12. Visit Auschwitz, and be all moved and humbled.
13. Go to Glastonbury - it always looks ace when it's on the telly.
14. Visit Ancient Egypt - obviously I can't visit "ancient" Egypt in the true sense, but I mean just visit the pyramids n shit. Although:
15. Travel through time.
18. Avoid mental/properbad physical illness or extended periods of unhapiness/ unfulfillment.
19. Rescue someone from a burning building. - I'm contemplating starting the fire.
20. Mexico, Australia, China, Japan, India.
21. The whole love/settle down thing.
22. Drop a Watermelon from a tall building to watch it splat.
23. Meet the Queen/King of Britain.
24. Get fluent in a foreign language. - Possibly German, since it would be a shame to waste Frau Green's five years of teaching, although I did only get an E in it. Yeah, fuck German. Spanish is sexier. Perhaps I'll learn that. My school only ever let the special needs kids do it, so it 's easier too.
Hmmm, some of this list looks a bit pricey. Hurrah for my disposable gay income!
Stuff I'm lucky enough to already of done: fly over the Grand Canyon; Disney World; had something pierced; karaoke; drunk myself sick; done the "sights" in London, Paris, America; other stuff that I'm glad I've done but can't remember right now.
This list does all seem a bit wanky, but write your own and it'll probably be just as so. Unless you're Gareth Of The Future reading this (and you haven't died or blogger hasn't fucked up and lost all the old posts), in which case you already have a list and YOU'D BETTER BE WORKING ON IT.
x
2. Sit on a jury. - Or do I mean sit "in" a jury? Hmmm, "on" does conjur up images of me taking turns to sit on 11 members of the public. Oh well, it's obvious what I mean.
3. Write my will. - And one that has a really cunty clause of the highest inheriter having to spend a night alone in a haunted house, or even better, get married, before they can have the cash. Though I doubt I'll leave anything worth such hassle.
4. Go in a shark cage.
5. Let a Jehovah's Witness (or other belief enforcing door knocker) in the house, and try and bore them into leaving.
6. Dress as a devout muslim women for the day, just to see what it's like. - I'm convinced I saw a man doing this the other day. If not, I've done a very broad shouldered and tall woman a great disservice.
7. Run the London Marathon. - Hahaha as if! No, really! I say it every year, but one year when I say it I need to spend the next year training for it. My main problem is I can run for no more than 5 minutes (and I don't want to be one of the losers / OAP's / terminally ill people who just walks it) and I run like Phoebe from Friends.
8. Be an extra in a film or long running Soap.
9. Ask a question or give out some self-righteous advice on Trisha.
10. Skydive.
11. Go on Safari and see lots of big animals. - I actually did this at Disney's Animal Kingdom, but that just took the piss. I want to do a proper one.
12. Visit Auschwitz, and be all moved and humbled.
13. Go to Glastonbury - it always looks ace when it's on the telly.
14. Visit Ancient Egypt - obviously I can't visit "ancient" Egypt in the true sense, but I mean just visit the pyramids n shit. Although:
15. Travel through time.
16. Gamble in Vegas. - Just a slot machine would do me, although it would be fun to dress as rain man and try the card counting thing. America is a backwards country that doesnt let 14 or 17 year olds gamble, so I'll have to wait until I'm over 21 and go back a third time to probably the bestest place in the world.
17. Conquer my fears of spiders, snakes, rejection and failure. - I'm getting better with the spiders, and the other day I did actually manage to start a conversation on msn (thus getting over the "they won't want to talk to me right now" rejection worry).18. Avoid mental/properbad physical illness or extended periods of unhapiness/ unfulfillment.
19. Rescue someone from a burning building. - I'm contemplating starting the fire.
20. Mexico, Australia, China, Japan, India.
21. The whole love/settle down thing.
22. Drop a Watermelon from a tall building to watch it splat.
23. Meet the Queen/King of Britain.
24. Get fluent in a foreign language. - Possibly German, since it would be a shame to waste Frau Green's five years of teaching, although I did only get an E in it. Yeah, fuck German. Spanish is sexier. Perhaps I'll learn that. My school only ever let the special needs kids do it, so it 's easier too.
Hmmm, some of this list looks a bit pricey. Hurrah for my disposable gay income!
Stuff I'm lucky enough to already of done: fly over the Grand Canyon; Disney World; had something pierced; karaoke; drunk myself sick; done the "sights" in London, Paris, America; other stuff that I'm glad I've done but can't remember right now.
This list does all seem a bit wanky, but write your own and it'll probably be just as so. Unless you're Gareth Of The Future reading this (and you haven't died or blogger hasn't fucked up and lost all the old posts), in which case you already have a list and YOU'D BETTER BE WORKING ON IT.
x
4 comments:
I was well impressed when I read 17 wrong and thought you actually spoke to a spider on MSN.
That would be a great way to settle our differences though.
Your German teacher could at least have made you call her Frau Grün. that way teaching you two german words from the off, thats all you really need to do well in GCSE
True. We don't actually think she was German, it would certainly explain all our results. The only proof we had was the short hair, goofy teeth and the fact she said "yaah" alot. But that could have all been faked.
Post a Comment