It is all brilliantly awful, especially as the women are so raving. They tend to be the type who say things like "I'm not being funny/racist but..." before saying something incredibly offensive, or "I've got loads of gay friends, but I won't let them anywhere near my kids". Here is a beginners guide to the HRT Poster Girls who make up the show:
Kaye Adams
As the main presenter, Kaye is the only Loose Woman to feature everyday. She hails from the baron lands of Scotchland and constanly sits on the far left of the desk, a seating position that tends to reflect her political views.
Special Powers: Kaye has the amazing ability to say really unfunny things and still get a massive laugh from thestudent and granny filled audience. She also posseses the Kaye Adams Point (TM), which involves waving her pen about a lot when she's being serious.
Coleen Nolan
It's her! Out of the Nolan sisters! Widely regarded as Kaye's bitch, Coleen tends to just sit and have Kaye make jokes about the enormous size of her breasts - something which Kaye even did within seconds of Coleen talking about her sister being diagnosed with breast cancer. As the confused podgy one, Coleen is the LW we all feel a bit sorry for. HOWEVER, over the summer Coleen has shed nearly 3 stone through the entirely sensible means of not eating solids for 70 days. Her breasts are now smaller, she can no longer command such pity, and it remains to be seen what her purpose is anymore. Perhaps she'll have to start getting involved in the discussions instead of staring into space.
Special Powers: She was in the Nolans and is therefore responsible for one of the greatest karaoke and disco classics of all time. Coleen also holds amazing parenting powers, causing a media storm last year when she told her 16 year old son that she would gladly pay for him to visit a prostitute in Amsterdam, should he pass his GCSEs.
Carol McGiffin
Simply put - The Greatest Loose Woman of Them All. After suffering the indignity of being married to Chris Evans, Carol is forgivably very bitter about men and the world in general. She has no time for sentimentality, and spends her life staggering from bar to bar and going to places like Thailand for the weekend - a life style that accomodates the fact that she can't actually remember where she lives any more. Carol has never done a show sober, is currently single and is the Loose Women we'd all choose to be, should some sort of evil demon turn us into one, but kindly giving us the choice of which.
Special Powers - Too many to mention.
Some other Looses:
Jane McDonald - Ex cruise ship singer, loved by gays of a certain age who perhaps couldn't afford Shirley Bassey's extensive back catalogue. On special occasions Jane will sing at the end of the show, causing a power surge as all the housewives get off their fat arses to put the kettle on. Jane is brilliant and typically 'Yorkshire'.
Sherrie Hewson - Totally out of her tree. Sadly not appearing on the show that much any more, due to her mission to appear on every ITV soap going.
Terri Dwyer - "The Loose Women you'd least likely save from a burning building". One of the youngest Loose Women and certainly the most annoying. Forever talking about her dead parents, along with how ashamed she is of her fat sister.
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Special Powers: Kaye has the amazing ability to say really unfunny things and still get a massive laugh from thestudent and granny filled audience. She also posseses the Kaye Adams Point (TM), which involves waving her pen about a lot when she's being serious.
Coleen NolanIt's her! Out of the Nolan sisters! Widely regarded as Kaye's bitch, Coleen tends to just sit and have Kaye make jokes about the enormous size of her breasts - something which Kaye even did within seconds of Coleen talking about her sister being diagnosed with breast cancer. As the confused podgy one, Coleen is the LW we all feel a bit sorry for. HOWEVER, over the summer Coleen has shed nearly 3 stone through the entirely sensible means of not eating solids for 70 days. Her breasts are now smaller, she can no longer command such pity, and it remains to be seen what her purpose is anymore. Perhaps she'll have to start getting involved in the discussions instead of staring into space.
Special Powers: She was in the Nolans and is therefore responsible for one of the greatest karaoke and disco classics of all time. Coleen also holds amazing parenting powers, causing a media storm last year when she told her 16 year old son that she would gladly pay for him to visit a prostitute in Amsterdam, should he pass his GCSEs.
Carol McGiffinSimply put - The Greatest Loose Woman of Them All. After suffering the indignity of being married to Chris Evans, Carol is forgivably very bitter about men and the world in general. She has no time for sentimentality, and spends her life staggering from bar to bar and going to places like Thailand for the weekend - a life style that accomodates the fact that she can't actually remember where she lives any more. Carol has never done a show sober, is currently single and is the Loose Women we'd all choose to be, should some sort of evil demon turn us into one, but kindly giving us the choice of which.
Special Powers - Too many to mention.
Some other Looses:
Jane McDonald - Ex cruise ship singer, loved by gays of a certain age who perhaps couldn't afford Shirley Bassey's extensive back catalogue. On special occasions Jane will sing at the end of the show, causing a power surge as all the housewives get off their fat arses to put the kettle on. Jane is brilliant and typically 'Yorkshire'.
Sherrie Hewson - Totally out of her tree. Sadly not appearing on the show that much any more, due to her mission to appear on every ITV soap going.
Terri Dwyer - "The Loose Women you'd least likely save from a burning building". One of the youngest Loose Women and certainly the most annoying. Forever talking about her dead parents, along with how ashamed she is of her fat sister.
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5 comments:
Do you think I can get it on dvd somewhere? It sounds brilliant.
I'm afraid not, though there bloody should be.
Do you not have your own four-self-righteous-harpies-siitng-round-a-desk type show? It's in a few countries I think - the Yanks have a version called The View, now with added Rosie O'Donnell.
We used to have Beauty and The Beast, which was one old grumpy bloke (BEAST) and a few laydees (Beautys apparently) who from memory were all old and kooky.
So yes, we did have a home grown version.
I don't think that can count, because it's always shite when they have fellas involved. As seen earlier this year, with "Loose" - basically the same show showed at tea time, but with some men sat there too. It was so awfultsnut that even the housewives stopped watching.
How can you forget Terri Dwyers baby, for she never mentioned it much.
Also don't be mean about Colleen she is right behind mcgiffin in my favourites list. She does lose points for the fact she let Shane Richie stick it up her for ages
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