I want them to adopt me.

Call me sad, but I will admit to setting my alarm clock for 10:30 this morning in order to see the triumphant return of, er, This Morning after the long cold Christmas break.

It's no secret how much I love Fearne and Phil. Since Richard & Jitters went dull and hopped on the bus to channel 4, they've been the undisputed King and Queen of the telly box.

Actually I tell a lie. There was a time when it was oh so nearly Des and Mel who took the crown, but these days they've lost the spark and Mel is treating Des with the utter hatred and contempt usually only seen in care assistants looking after the elderly.

This Morning seems to also be stronger without Mr Madeley and his pissed up wife.

Fantastic stuff wot was onnit today:

1. Jordan, looking like a giant plastic hotdog with hair, showing us how to "juice" and mentioning her newfitnessdvdoutnow in her answer to every fucking question. Her dastardly ploy worked though, 'coz I now want it even more than Claire Sweeney's.
   
2. An incredibly tense interview with some tourettes suffering teens. Sadly we only got a bit of screechy twitching. It would have been fantastic to see how F & P would have reacted to"FUCK SHIT CUNT-KNOCKING MEAT POLE!".
3. I'm sure there was lots of other ace stuff that kept me entertained too, but I've forgotten. Just take my word for it.

I just wish Five hadn't moved Trisha G to 10:30.

x