INT. OFFICE AT FILM STUDIOS, LOS ANGELES USA.
The head of 20th Century Fox is sitting at a big desk, covered in lots of executive swinging ball toys. There is a knock at the door and Dallas McSwizzle, hotshot film producer, comes in and sits down.
STUDIO BOSS
So, have you come up with my summer blockbuster yet?
DALLAS
(confidently) Yeah, I think so.
STUDIO BOSS
Well, let's hear it. I'm counting on this to be the hit, after "Dunblane: The Musical" didn't really pay off for us.
DALLAS
Well it's about a Nun - a diabetic nun.
STUDIO BOSS
Oooh.
DALLAS
Well one day Lorraine, that's her name, eats too much sugar. She has lots of Christening cake, or whatever it is that those nuns eat. We'll iron out the details later. Anyway, as a result she has to have her leg amputated. BUT! Due to an hilarious mix up at the hospital she ends up having the recently severed leg of Linford Christie - coz he'd been in a car crash- attached to her. So when she wakes up, this leg has power over her, and she can't stop running. And she runs and she runs across america - well mosly New York, L.A. and Vegas - until the army have to shoot her in the head. Six times. In slow motion. But it's all really sad because on the way she's fallen in love with a struggling single father of an autistic child, and taught him to love life again.
STUDIO BOSS
(stunned silence)
I LOVE IT!!! I'm imagining Charlize Theron as Lorraine, with Sean Penn as the spakka's Dad. They'll do anything to get another Oscar. (Stops to think, and starts to look deflated)
But wait, hang on. The middle-class religious pressure groups would reject to a nun having a black man's leg. It'd be commercial suicide to make it.
DALLAS
Oh. Shit.
How about we just do the Titanic sequel then?
x
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