Saturday, May 27, 2006

Gift-Wrapped Kitty Cats.


We went to see Girls Aloud!

There was:
  • Boobies and legs. Legs more so. There was quite a bit of arse too. Obviously no crack, that would just be vulgar. But they wore short shorts.
  • Live singing. Ooh er... But no! They pulled it off really well. Some bits were so good that I thought they'd started to mime, only for the odd missed line to reassure me they hadn't.
  • Some nonsense at the very beginning involving an unconvincing mad scientist (i.e. a 20 year old dancer in a wig) "creating girls aloud". Apparently this was like Weird Science. I didn't know what that was. Dan told me off.
  • Cheryl Tweedy's magic debut, where she disappeared into thin air. Seriously! Debbie McGee can fuck right off.
  • A cover of I Predict A Riot which quite non-literally kicked the Kaiser Chiefs in their nutsacks. Even though "to borrow a pound for a bus-stop" sounds shit. Speaking of which, they actually sung "shit" during No Good Advice. How edgy.
  • The unsubtlety of Cheryl Tweedy - "Aww look at yas all. We love ya with all ya merchandise."
  • Wake Me Up hair swishing that could have had your eye out.
  • The realisation that I know every single word to virtuaally every Girls Aloud song.
  • Two girl bands as support acts. Possibly actors paid by the record company to make us appreciate The Aloud even more.
  • A frankly brilliantlyshit backing video for I'll Stand By You - featuring individual zoom into close-up and panning shots of each girl - where Nicola looked disabled.
  • Sarah totally kicking the other girls' asses in the best hair awards. Nadine had a Something-About-Mary-jizz-fringe to accompany her £3.50 Boots blonde dye job, and Kimberley had just had a bath with a toaster.
  • Lots of cheering from me whenever Nicola was shown.
  • Dancing druid monks!
  • Confetti! Fireworks! Shiney-bright lights! Dry ice! Catwalk! Trapdoors! Buff dancers! Lab coats!
  • Generally great choreography. Especially for Waiting. Although having to hold microphones meant there was no cat move during Love Machine. Sob.
  • A graveyard of an audience. Everybody seemed funfilled, yet still remained seated. Fools. This meant I was regulated to dancing like a quadriplegic, though I obviously got up and did the obligatory jumps during Jump. I soon sat down when I realised it was just me and the comedy gay next to me in our whole block.
  • A musicals medley (Fame! Flashdance! Footloose!).

There was no:
  • Political messages.
  • Songs being sung by the folk who'd written them.
  • Drabness.
  • Tawdry "let's split the audience up into two parts and see who can cheer the loadest" competition.
  • Life Got Cold.
  • Swinging London Town
Hooray x 5. Booo x 1. (Respectively.)


So all in all, it was a bit well good.


x

8 comments:

grimbin said...

Wow, surprised u paid that much attention! Well done.
I apologise for my lack of dancing, but frankly, I think i was right in saying that if me, u, and the two seattle cowboys sitting next to us started dancing then we would remarkably resemble the village people.
Over all a fantastic night, i was quite surprised, been singing the songs ever since! And I just put my poster up!
U got a cd writer?! Don't s'pose u culd knock me together a girls aloud greatest hits?!
I met the girl of my dreams today too. Which was nice, think i mite grow sum balls and lay it all on the line and ask her out.
anyway, thanks again 4 kool time.
catcha laters.

Anonymous said...

*Deletes comment on FC's MySpace asking about The Aloud*

That sounds flippin' fantabulous!

No Life Got Cold? Thats the first song I liked of their's! Its absolute class.

Sounded like fun. Even the dissapearing Cheryl trick. Thats gotta be worth the whole thing. You should've left straight after it. Just so the knew. Thats if they cared.

x

grimbin said...

Aw man i can't get that Frank song outa my head! "dont make me turn it up, turn it up, i feel the knock knock on ur lock"
awewsome stuff.

http://www.frankofficial.com/site.php

Gareth said...

Daneel- I can't remember the Frank song even slightly. I'll be *slightly* pissed of if you remember the mediocre support pop more than The MIGHTY Aloud aongs that were new to you. And by slightly, I mean very. So I'll definitely do you a greatest hits. It'll have to be a double album though. And ask. her. out. One can't be fulfilled by a Girls Aloud poster WHERE NICOLA LOOKS THE BEST alone.

OooohMaaa - Shall we not dis the Tweedy? She will come and get you y'know. And I'm just plain ashamed that THE FIRST song you liked was the weak as Orange-Squash-made-by-granny-dear ballad that came after the storming revolutionary and generally fucking amazing Sound Of The Undergound and No Good Advice. It's like saying that Part 3 of The Godfather Films is your fave. Hang your head in shame.

Adrian said...

"Dancing druid monks!"

How and why?

Gareth said...

On Wild Horses. They had candles (on the big screen - health and safety etc...) and the choir singing the intro, and then out came the girls and dancers in robes/capes.

I certainly wasn't expecting it.

Anonymous said...

A MUSICALS MEDLEY!?!Brilliant!

Aw I'm sooooo jealous. I saw The Aloud last year and they were ace. Grr I should have gone this year too, but I was going to see Take That. Obviously I was under some ridiculous impression that there was a law against seeing both. Hopefully there will be a dvd of the tour...

Weridly, Take That used the same Pop Scientists Create Manufactured Band shtick too.

Dancing like a quadrilplegic is now officially cool.

Gareth said...

The quadriplegics hae been saying that for years.

Fear not! A shiney DVD was apparently shot at the Wembley gig, so will probably be released around November in good time for Santa's elves to pirate it. I hope it includes Nadine's gesture towards the other four whilst singing "Give me time I'll make you forget the rest" in the Fame rendition.