Stuff wot I have learnt this weekend.

From my Grandparents' Visit:

• Though you spend the winter of your life being a cunty grumpy bore, you snap out of this in the period that is, in life-as-a-year terms, that odd week between Christmas Day and New Years Day and become almost fun to be around. It's either dementia or simply being happy to be alive that causes this.
  
• My family aren't as bad as I previously thought. Except my sister. She's a monster.
• I want to be retired now, so I can watch Neighbours and go to Sainsbury's all day every day. And not have to bother with standing up to go to the toilet.

From my first driving lesson since last September, with scary new instructor lady:

• I'm a really bad driver.
• Although I now know how to stop the car without getting whiplash.
• And to look in the mirrors all the time, and not just when I get in the car to check my hair.
• I probably shouldn't have booked a test for 5 weeks' time.

From that Kylie interview:

• Kylie is fucking great (though I actually knew this already).
• Kylie is not dead and is sparklier than ever.
  
• Kylie is better than Madonna, since Madonna is a cunt.
• Cat Deeley isn't very good at interviews, although she is extra specially lovely and comes from Birmingham.
• Kylie is at Wembley for a week next January. She's performing, not just watching some football. (If you are a Kylie fan and would like to go with me, please say so. My friends only like acts with guitars, greasy hair and band-referencing black t-shirts).
  
• Cancer is bad.
  

In general:

• Coke Zero is almost brilliant. It tastes like full-fat coke for the first second of being in your mouth, before becoming fizzy water.
• The OC is good again. Well, I saw five minutes earlier where they killed off Marissa. It was done rather weakly, but Marissa! Dead! She should die in every episode.
  
• Celebrities crying and whining about the state of Africa is just really rubbish.
• Charlie and Lola are big in France.
  
• I should watch Emmerdale, as stuff like this has been happening:

• Apparently it's gone all Footballers' Wives (sob!) and Patsy Kensit was fed her own horse a few months back.

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