Very Serious Review (like they have at the back of the big newspapers)

A few weeks back (sorry, I've been 'busy') my dad and I had a male bonding session. There was no hunting, shed-building, or other silly manly shit - we went to the theatre instead. I fucking love the theatre, but haven't been in ages because Aber doesn't have one. There are aways tickets knocking about for the drama department productions, but you can fuck off if you think I'm going to sit through two hours of the drama fags overacting their way through some arty play about witches, written by one of the failed-playwrite drama lecturers. I also get bored by lots of talking - a few good songs and nifty scenery is what you need. This is probably why I enjoyed Chitty Chitty Bang Bang so much.

In fact this was the second time I'd seen the stage show. Pam took me when it first opened in London a few years back. She ended up crying during the interval because she wished "every child could see this". That's why we didn't take her this time. The now added menopausal hormone madness would have probably led her to storm the stage and hug each individual cast member.

Anyway: THE REVIEW BIT


It was great fun. Everybody was good in their roles, especially the two kids. They were only about 3, yet still remembered the shitloads of songs, lines and dances perfectly - certainly putting my Year 4 portrayal of Jesus in the Junior School easter play to shame. Although I would have been far more entertaning if Jesus had a flying car too. The material let me down.

Along with the sprogs, the Child Catcher was equally well played, and I was most shocked to find out a few days later that it was none other than Curly fuckin Watts off Corrie underneath all the prosthetics. It just goes to show that he's not shit in everything.

But of course, people are a bit boring when compared to the aforementioned flying car. It really does fly! We couldn't even see the big mechanical arm this time. How magical. Along the same lines, Truely Scrumptious' amazing breasts were hypnotic.

HOWEVER, not everything was hunky dory. Some of the dancing was a bit shit, since not everyone was perfectly in time. Also, one of the sets broke down so the cast had to carry out the toy shop scene in the middle of the street set. Finally, the fact that Brian Conley was in it was a bit of a shame. He was quite good as Caractacus, but he was still Brian Conley. A disability that I fear he will never fully overcome.

I would give Chitty Chitty Bang Bang four and a quarter stars out of five.


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