Saturday, January 20, 2007

"Don't stop, never give up, hold your head high and reach the top, let the world see what you have got, bring it all back to you me."

It's always wonderful when bad things cease to be, for instance:

- It was nice when Sex & The City came to an end.
- I was over the moon when Blue split up.
- Leaving school was fucking brilliant. (The best days of my life? Get bent!)
- And it was a big relief for us all when Granny got arthritis in her jaw, bringing an end to all the never ending stories.


However, it is often quite terrible when things that are really good disappear. Here are some things that I would quite like bringing back:

Penny Farthings


Why did these ever die out?! Yes, they could cause a bloody nose or death when you ended up going head first over the handle bars, but they look incredible. If these were still on the market then I'd actually learn to ride a bike.

Best accompanied by a monacle, top hat, and ludicrously curly moustache. What ho!


Geri Halliwell's Singing Career


I don't want the Spice Girls back (ever! I don't care if it's for a Princess Diana concert, nobody liked her when she was alive), but Geri managed to be the only Spice who kept making the music that the girls should have made had they hung around for longer. The last album that she made wasn't even that bad, she just released a slightly weak lead single and got mullered by the press for not being a boring man with a guitar. Oh, and the fact that she's a bit mental. In a recent OK! interview, Geri said that she'll more than likely never release anything else. Boooo. Instead she's at home raising a very pissed off looking baby:


At least do something where I get to see you, Geri? Don't make me come round there and look through your toilet window again.



White Dog Poo



I just really miss seeing this. Why don't we see it anymore? Don't tell me the country's actually gotten cleaner! We all know that Britain Is In It's Worst Ever State Because Of The Blacks And The Gays (Copyright - The Tabloid Press).

I was all excited when I found some in Egypt, although was a bit gutted that my camera's batteries had died at that point. Fuck 5000 year old temples, it's all about white turds.


Shooting Stars


Oh how I miss this. It was the greatest quiz on television, mostly because it was a load of rubbish and you never had to feel stupid when you didn't know the answers. I pine for Donald Cox (The Sweaty Fox), and especially Georgey Dawes. Let's watch one of his many brilliant songs:



I still sing baked potato, whenever I have one. Which really isn't often. Mine don't talk, and just taste boring.


SM:TV Live (with Ant + Dec + Cat, obv)

It really was the greatest Saturday Morning show ever, mainly for chums and Cat The Dog (from Birmingham (home of the great)). Oh, and Wonkey Donkey. And The Garden Gnomes. And The Bewdiful Corrs. Bring it back now. In fact, just repeat the old ones each week. Especially as Ant & Dec are now too busy being the faces of mediocre Saturday night ITV entertainment.


Sidekicks


Where did these go to? They were little tiny individual shots, that came in little glasses (or "plastics") with a base that allowed them to sit on the edge of a larger glass. This made them both stupid and incredible at the same time. Why would you need to perch it on the side of a larger glass, when taking a sip from it would make the Sidekick fall down you? Because you can, that's why. They were my first love when I discovered drinking.

I mainly want them back because you could build thing out of the empty containers, like some sort of George Best approved Lego set.


I would also like the return off:

-Channel 4 without Big Brother
-Crossroads
-Noel's House Party
-Gaby Roslin

Please post any of these things to me.

x

12 comments:

LaLa said...

I LOVED sm:tv, it has to be the only "kids" show ever on tv that made me drag my sorry arse out of bed with a hangover. What was that one where Ant and Dec were dressed up as gnomes and Cat was "....., the Prozac Fairy"?

I miss Geri too. I get to see so much of skeletor, sorry, Posh and nothing of Geri.

Gareth said...

Gah! This pos isn't finished! I was tired when I started it and pressed "publish" by mistake.

Cat was "Prozac, The Giggle Fairy", and she featured in "Anty & Deccy: he Garden Gnomes". Dizzy water dizzy water.

[james] said...

They still sell Sidekicks in the cornershop round the (ironically) corner from me. I've never tried them but they're ridiciously cheap so I owe to the wanky student stereotype to try them one day.

LaLa said...

i wondered where that post went! It is now even better!

I miss those sidekick things too, I just drank 'em though.

Anonymous said...

Shooting Stars...
SM:tv...
PENNY FARTHINGS!

You've just described heaven! One where we have two big tellies, one showing Shooting Stars and the other SM:tv..and they'r really far away so we have to travel on our penny farthings to get to each one! (Or they're right opposite each other, and we watch them on a high up telly sitting on our penny farthings).
:D

Gareth said...

Apparently Sidekicks are also available in Walkabouts, but I think I'll go to James' shop for bulk buying.

Uma, you're a genius.

David said...

There's plenty of white do poo in Milton Keynes around my lake. I should send you some.

[james] said...

Good plan, Gareth. It saves you ever having to step inside a Walkabout. I haven't been able to after I saw my LGBTA's secretary miming anal in the middle of the floor. Scarred for life I tells ya.

Gareth said...

Two new commentererers, how exciting.

David - I'm really ashamed that my initial response was "Wow! Yes! Post me some!" :(

James - Can you still go near the LGBLTA Secretary? Or did the scarring just transfer onto the walkabout? Either way, don't hang around with such filth. The only acceptable mime is the "trapped in a glass box" one.

LaLa said...

Erm.. I used to fucking WORK at the Walkabout. 2 of them, Shepherds Bush and Covent Garden.

Scarred me for life and made me into a very aggressive bartender.

I love a pub where you can call your customers the "C" word.

And what is a LGBLTA?

Gareth said...

I bet I'd be like that, should I ever get bar work.

I love Covent Garden, it can't have been that bad? At least you had a nice outside.

LGBLTA = A big group of filthy sexual deviants, with added lettuce.

[james] said...

I wish mine had added lettuce as it'll be a welcome change from the tragic ragtag band of ugly gays, fat lezzers and too many of my exs for my liking.

And, yes, I'm scarred by the LGBTA secretary too but that's for other reasons... :(